Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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