i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
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so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
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AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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