So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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