so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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