Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
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It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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