my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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