does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
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