why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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