A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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