Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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