the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
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Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
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I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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