Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
