She's JV to your varsity
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
