She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
