I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
