you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
