aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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