She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
