And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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