sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
