Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
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