I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Randomize
