who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
