so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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