I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
