This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
