Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
