Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
