hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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