My liver just broke up with me...
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
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ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
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I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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