yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
