Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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