I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
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It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
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He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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