i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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