you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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