i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I forget how to act sober
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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