there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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