Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
