can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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