Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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