He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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