I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
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What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
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I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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