And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
So vagazzling was a success
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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