No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
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Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
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I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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