Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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