i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
