she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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