all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
