After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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