I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
