Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Randomize
