I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
How external is "for external use only"?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I didn't notice because vodka
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
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