The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
