You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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