Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
