This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
