Yo dont text me then not text me
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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