cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
