I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
