I just saw a hot homeless man
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
were you high?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!