I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
im calling her cock vulture from now on
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...