for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.