pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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