Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana