it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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