I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
